old shoes

I’m sitting at my laptop, sipping a boiling ginger lemon tea and finding FINALLY the time to type a new post for my blog: I say time, I mean courage. I’ll elaborate. When I first started my blog, back in 2022, I didn’t have any music ready to be released. I had just launched Lilla Shy, after months of overthinking it and didn’t want to wait any longer before sharing my stories - finally excitement overcame distress. I started typing and, to my surprise, many of you started reading. So then the songs followed, at first making my blog make even more sense, but then slowly replacing it with ‘to-do lists’ or ‘TikTok plans’. I guarantee you, I tried. Much paper has been used, scrunched and thrown away. And here we are, it’s been over two years since the last post.

Now just to be clear, I’ve not been sitting on the grass, hands in my pockets, whistling at the birds. Song by song I ended up playing stages I never imagined, singing live on national radios, learning the guitar and taking it all over Europe to play the songs I wrote and self produced for my debut album. But I know deep in my heart that I owe all of this to starting my blog, to being so impatient, to wanting to tell those stories so badly, to the point where I didn’t even care if people would read them.

But they have. Some people have actually read my stories, heard my songs and bought tickets to my shows. And so I got caught up in this spiral of dreaming of even more people, even bigger stages, even higher streams. Don't get me wrong dreaming big is necessary, but too easily I forget how badly I worked towards something that I desperately wanted, when I finally get it. It can take seriously, embarrassingly too little for me to blink the memory of that desire away and focus on the next thing. So little, I often forget to pat myself on the back. I often forget what’s the real purpose of it all.

Today I took a moment to look backwards before moving forward. I went through all my articles and I've re-connected to that feeling of having absolutely nothing and seeing what happens if I, casually, just start walking. With no clue or expectations of what lies ahead. Yeah now those shoes I’ve been wearing don’t look great anymore, but the sole is consumed only because I’ve walked miles in them. Isn’t this what makes them special after all?

If this nonsense makes sense to you and you're in the same boat, I hope this helped.

{If, on the other hand, your shoes are brand new because you're too scared to take that first step, I say: you'll be surprised where you can land when fear is replaced with the curiosity of what you’ll stumble upon along the way}

I send you all my love and I welcome you back to my good, old blog.

Lilla